Saturday, January 20, 2007
Mum's The Word
A male friend told me recently that he wouldn't like to have a baby with someone that already had one as it wouldn't be as special for them as they already had one.... he hasn't had kids before... So it got me to thinking...I know how life changing and spiritual it was to have my son, but I also know that if I was to have a child with someone else it would be a whole brand new experience... everything about it would be different. Spending those nine months with the baby growing inside you with a new partner would be such a different experience and to go through the labour again..this would be amazingly different. I mean even if you were having a second child with the same partner it would be a new experience!!
So it made me start thinking about my first experience as a mother and how it felt...
I found out New Years Eve 2001 that I was pregnant and all of a sudden my life changed - in one split second, because now I was responsible for someone other than me.
My pregnancy was such a wonderful time. Others might not see it that way.. u see I had morning sickness every single day of those nine months right up until the day after he was born, but to me that meant nothing....I was having a baby!! I was one of those girls that glowed during their pregnancy...my hair was thicker, my skin was great and I actually lost weight instead of put it on!
I think the most amazing feeling in life is when you feel the baby move in your stomach. I was told at the time to really try and remember how it feels because there is nothing like it in life again.... whoever told me this was right. I used to lay in bed at night and watch the bump move around. If I went to bed and he wasn't moving I would poke him a bit to make sure he was okay!!
The day I went into the hospital was both the most scariest and exciting days of my life. I went in on a Saturday afternoon (I was being induced..doctor was going on holidays). I was induced at around 4pm in the afternoon and then spent all night waiting... waiting....pain...pain...
The next morning around 9am they decided to bring on the labour as the baby was a bit stressed out. From there I had 4 hours of full on labor and contractions. I won't say it didnt hurt because it did, but for me it was the most spiritual amazing experience of my life. How to put it in words is difficult, but I didn't speak for those 4 hours. My sister who was in the room said it was amazing...I was so calm and peaceful. My only way of communicating was nodding and squeezing the midwifes hand. I remember my doctor coming in saying I would be a few more hours and I thought fuck you arsehole I'm not doing this for much longer, so when the midwife asked me if I was ready to push, I had no idea what she meant but I nodded because I was so desperate to meet my baby...
I don't really remember how it felt, but I remember the ohhs and ahhs from my sister and the midwife telling me he was nearly out and then I saw him for the first time..... and they placed him straight on my chest to hug. I felt my heart almost leap out of my chest and I couldn't believe he was mine.. it was surreal and I realised at that moment what true unconditional love was. I was overwhelmed and the last 24 hours of calmness and control were gone. I cried and couldn't stop...love, exhaustion, excitement and fear...
I watched the nurses clean him up and check his details. The room was buzzing with activity but it was like he and I were the only one's in the room. I couldn't take my eyes off him and when they gave him back to me I never wanted to let go. I fell asleep with him in my arms...
The next few days that I spent in hospital were so perfect. I hear of mum's who go home the same afternoon they have their babies, but now looking back I realise why they like you to stay in the hospital. It is such a great bonding time...no outside world interference. I didn't even know what day it was, what the weather was like or what was happening in the world. Those few days were spent getting to know my son...I knew every part of his little body, every little sound and facial gesture.. I watched him all day long and most nights. He was such a perfect little baby. 
So when I think about having another child, I realise that yes I have had the experience of childbirth, but there is nothing more exciting and special than that, so to have another one I feel would be just as exciting and definitely a new experience. I don't know if I ever will have another child. I don't rule it out but I don't expect it either. What I do know is, if I do it will be every bit as special and wonderful as the first time.
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